However, with the 1.1bn chews already ordered (I’ve taken the liberty of making a few phone calls on your behalf – hope you don’t mind), I’ve decided on a different tack which will, instead, bring together the peoples of Weymouth and Portland, and come 2012, the Olympic family.

I speak, of course, of a 400-foot tall model of antipodean wonder Kylie Minogue, constructed entirely from penny chews, perched on top of the Verne Citadel, reminding each and every one of us of her most famous role: “Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours”. Who, I ask, would not be moved by the sight of Monster Kylie, standing athwart Fortuneswell, her message of good neighbourliness played 24 hours-per-day on the bonkers sound system built into her chewy cranium?

And next year, when another £11m lands in our laps, we can build a 400-foot tall model of her wonky-eyed sister Dannii at the other end of Weymouth Bay, playing a selection of her chart hits, whatever they are.

I’m certain you will agree that this idea will certain put Weymouth and Portland on the map, and this time for all the right reasons.

I am not mad.

Now, taking into account that each chew measures roughly one inch by half-an-inch, the sweets can be used as a road surface that will completely pave the road from Easton Square, down through Fortuneswell, across the Causeway, through Weymouth and all the way to the County Council offices in the centre of Dorchester, a distance of some 14.5 miles.

If you get stuck in a traffic jam and you’re feeling a bit peckish, you can simply lean out of your vehicle, grab a handful of penny chews and you’re completely sorted, safe in the knowledge that there’s another £11m coming next year from central government to repair any ‘holes’ in the road.

I know what you’re thinking: Blue-Tac doesn’t come cheap, and what else is going to hold all these sweets down? I’ve thought of that as well – simply do the work on a particularly hot day, and the sun will do the rest. Mmm… I can taste that sweet, sweet road surface already.